Confidence Isn’t a Trait - It’s a Skill (Here’s How to Build It)

We often talk about confidence like it’s something you’re either born with or not.

But confidence isn’t a trait, it’s a skill.

And like any skill, you can build it.

What Does Confidence Really Mean to You?

When you picture confidence, what comes to mind?

• The loudest person in the room?

• The one dancing without a care in the world?

• Someone posting videos online, sharing opinions, or showing up boldly on social media?

  
  

We often assume that looks like confidence. But over the years, I’ve realised a lot of what we see is actually masking self-doubt, people-pleasing, and fear of judgement.

We’ve all done it, smiling through the discomfort, pretending to have it together, when really we’d rather be at home with a cuppa and a bar of Dairy Milk.

Can You Be Confident Without Feeling Confident?

I’ve had people say to me, “You’re so confident. ”My first thought? Really? Me?

For years, I didn’t feel confident at all. At work, I’d doubt myself constantly. I’d sit in meetings thinking, “Why am I here? Who wants to hear from me?” At home, I’d go out with friends worrying about what people thought, replaying conversations the next day, cringing over every little thing I’d said.

That’s not confidence - that’s anxiety in a fancy outfit.

How Do You Actually Build Confidence From Scratch?

The truth? There’s no secret formula. If you want to feel more confident, you have to start doing the things that build it.

After maternity leave, I reached a breaking point. I was sick of second-guessing myself. So I asked, “What needs to change?”

Here’s what helped me:

• I joined a gym where I could take Alfie - because exercise had always made me feel strong and clear-headed.

• I started journaling to get the noise out of my head.

• I sat down and reflected on my work, what gave me energy and what drained it.

• I started researching coaching training and asking for help (which, for me, was massive).

• And most importantly, I started talking to myself like someone I actually liked.

  
  

None of it happened overnight. But it did happen. Slowly, I started feeling more like me again.

What Happens When You Start Taking Action?

The first time I recorded a video for social media? Absolutely awful. Full glam, hair done, outfit on - two hours of filming for a 30-second clip.

But I did it. And that was the turning point.

The more I showed up, the easier it got. And now, You’ll see me on socials sweaty, makeup-free, and not caring one bit - because that’s how confidence builds.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about proving to yourself that you can do hard things, even when your inner critic’s screaming otherwise.

What Does Confidence Look Like in Real Life?

Confidence, for me, isn’t about volume or visibility. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin and trusting yourself to handle whatever comes your way.

It’s walking into a room without overthinking what people might be saying. It’s having fun without worrying how you look doing it.

I’ll never forget one night out when I came home and said to my husband,

“You know what? That’s the first time I’ve actually enjoyed a night out in ages.”

I’d laughed, relaxed, and genuinely had fun. That’s when I knew all the small steps were paying off.

What Can You Do to Start Building Confidence Today?

Confidence isn’t one-size-fits-all. What worked for me might not work for you, and that’s the point.

Start by asking yourself:

• What does confidence mean to me?

• What would my most confident self be doing right now?

• How would that version of me think, talk, and act?

  
  

Then take small, consistent steps that help you build belief in yourself.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Journaling

• Exercise

• Positive self-talk (internally and in the mirror)

• Writing down your positive traits

• Keeping a weekly wins journal

• Letting go of comparison

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Remember: comparison is the thief of joy. The people you think have it all figured out - they’re probably just figuring it out too.

You’ve already got the answers. You just need to trust yourself enough to use them.

The Real Secret: Confidence Comes From Doing

Confidence doesn’t come from thinking about it - it comes from doing. Every small action you take builds evidence that you can handle more than you think.

You don’t need to wait to feel ready. You just need to start.

If you’re ready to stop doubting yourself and start feeling confident again - that’s exactly what we’ll work on together.

Book a free discovery call or explore ways to work with me.